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Tanya`s Story
I wanted to leave Russia because I hated it, and I was able to do it because
of who I was,
by nature and by upbringing. Here is my story.
I was born into a family of rebels. My motherās father was expelled from
the St. Petersburg Engineering School for revolutionary activities. My
motherās mother ran away from home at the age of 15. She found a job at a
clothing factory and started attending underground Labor meetings. At one of
them, she was fascinated by a key speaker, my grandfather· Before the
Revolution, my grandparents spent most of their time in jail for political
activities, underground, or abroad. After the revolution, my grandparents
became a ruling party upper crust, yet their daughter, my mother, ran away
when she was 14 years old.
She went on to finish school and college, became
a chemistry professor, and married a famous and wealthy man. I was raised
and lived a very comfortable life, but left it all to plunge myself into
unknown. What for?
I hated communism. That was the way I was brought up. My mother and
stepfather, even my grandmother, all hated the way it turned out in the
Soviet Union. But they believed that the idea was good. To me, the idea was
wrong. I thought that it was rather too utopian of a dream to believe in.
The government cannot force the unwilling citizens to appreciate living in a
society built on the principal "from everyone by their ability, to everyone
by their needs". And they expected the very nature of these citizens to
change for the better, as a consequence.
I was also hoping that the treatment of my daughterās epilepsy would be more
successful outside Russia and maybe, her illness could be cured.
And finally, being born Jewish in Russia, I didnāt feel at home in my
Motherland. There were and still are plenty of anti-Semites in every country
of the world. But in most countries, especially after World War 2,
anti-Semitism is a personal matter. I do not have a problem with that, we
all have our likes and dislikes. But in the Russia of my days, it was not
just a personal matter, it was a State policy, supported and encouraged by
the government. I should add that I did not want to live in Israel either. I
thought of Israel as a homogeneous society of religious Jews. But I liked
diversity and was not religious.
I didnāt choose to go to America. All I wanted was to get as far away from
Russia as possible. I ended up in America because no other country accepted
a single mother with two children, considered a burden on the society. That
was the first blow to my pride, and not the last. The beginning was not easy.
Everybody politely praised my Russian degrees,
but nobody wanted to hire me. It was humiliating. So I went back to school,
got a Masters degre
e and was hired by New Jersey Sate where I have worked
for 18 years to this day. A lot has changed during these years. I got much
older, less rebellious, and a bit less daring. I acquired some wealth and
stability in my life, and learned to appreciate both, to a certain degree.
Am I happier than when I was younger and hit every bump on the road?
I am not sure.
- view stories from other outsiders.
- Are you an outsider too?
share your own story with the outsider community. click here to register with the outsider network and submit a story.
Exhibitions, screenings, parties, and other promotional events take place regularly.
Keep checking back here for updated Outsider events listings.
The Outsider in 'het buitenland'
Next month, the Outsider Series will host an event at artist space, Het Buitenland. Check back latter for the exact date and time.
link > www.nieuwenmeer.nl
VPRO nachtpodium
NACHTPODIUM is a weekly tv-programme for everyone who is still awake. You can direct your own show and come up with your visual statements, video-experiments, intellectual ideas and other stuff you put on a tape. Peter Distol can be seen promoting The Outsider Series this month on VPRO. Show times will be announced.
link > vpro nachtpodium
Gerrit Rietveld Academie Eindexamen Expo
Come attend an exhibition of The Outsider Series as part of the Rietveld Academie's Eindexamen Expo. This Exhibition gives an overview of the project as a whole. Videos, Photographs, Internet installations, as well as a project synopsis will be on display at Generaal Vetterstraat 76 from 1 July- 4 July. follow this link for the interactive invitation.
link > the outsider invitation
(shockwave player required)
link > exit 2004
